Adam Murrell. The Young Baptist’s Catechism. [Self-published.] $7.00.
Buy it here.

Will your youngest children understand everything in this catechism? Of course not-but using catechisms is a proven method to instill truths in children that they will come to understand later.

Mike Nappa, et al. Introduction to Family Nights. Heritage Builders, 1997. $12.99.
Buy it here.

Mike Nappa, et al. Basic Christian Beliefs. Heritage Builders, 1997. $12.99.
Buy it here.

Mike Nappa, et al. Wisdom Life Skills. Heritage Builders, 1998. $12.99.
Buy it here.

Mike and Amy Nappa. 52 Fun Family Devotions. Augsburg, 1994. $9.99.
Buy it here.

Mike and Amy Nappa. Creative Family Prayer Times. NavPress, 2007. $9.99.
Buy it here.

Are your children’s attention spans a little too short when it comes to family devotions? Okay, let’s be honest: Is your attention span a little short? Mike Nappa has worked with his spouse and other friends to develop some of the most creative and enjoyable family devotions anywhere!

Bruce Ware. Big Truths for Young Hearts. Crossway, 2009. $15.99.
Buy it here.

This is the ideal book for teaching theology to younger teenagers. Dr. Ware provides a brief chapter, Scripture verses, and thought-provoking questions for every core biblical truth.

Donald Whitney. Family Worship. [Self-Published]. $7.95. http://www.biblicalspirituality.org/books.html

The simplest guide available to help you begin family devotional times in your home! Tedd Tripp says, “Family Worship by Don Whitney is a priceless little volume. Whitney makes a compelling case from the Bible for the practice and illustrates it richly with historical examples. He even answers frequently asked questions and responds to common objections. This book is persuasive, practical, and most of all, doable.”

Reprinted with permission from The Council on Biblical Manhood and Womanhood

“Give ear, O my people, to my law; Incline your ears to the words of my mouth. I will open my mouth in a parable; I will utter dark sayings of old, Which we have heard and known, And our fathers have told us. We will not hide them from their children, Telling to the generation to come the praises of the Lord, And His strength and His wonderful works that He has done. For He established a testimony in Jacob, And appointed a law in Israel, Which He commanded our fathers, That they should make them known to their children; That the generation to come might know them, The children who would be born, That they may arise and declare them to their children, That they may set their hope in God, And not forget the works of God, But keep His commandments”

Psalm 78:1-7

How many people do you know who have too much time on their hands? They are simply not busy enough and wish they could find more to do? How many families do you know that are burdened by too much free time?

We live in a busy world. Ours is a microwave, fast-food, sound-bite, instant world. USA Today is a popular newspaper primarily because it contains short sound-bite articles written on a basic level. Many do not possess the concentration level to read an entire book; television is much easier because one does not have think deeply or use one’s imagination. It is not uncommon to work over thirty minutes away from home and to spend much of life in traffic, irritated at all the other busy people rushing somewhere at two miles per hour in a traffic jam.

If this is the reality of the situation for most people, we must ask a question of utmost importance to Christians. In the midst of our busy lives, who is given the responsibility of rearing the next generation in the Christian faith? Who is given the responsibility of calling the next generation to hope in God?

First, let us begin by emphatically declaring it is parents (fathers in particular) and not the church who are given the primary responsibility for calling the next generation to hope in God. The church serves a supplementary role, reinforcing the biblical nurture that is occurring in the home. It is not the job of “professionals” at the church to rear the children of believers in the faith. Far too often, Sunday Schools, children’s ministries, and youth ministries have become substitutes for the home training of children. Christian parents have largely abdicated their God-given responsibility to insure that their children are instructed in the things of God.

Consider the biblical testimony:

• “And that you may tell in the hearing of your son and your son’s son the mighty things I have done . . . that you may know I am the Lord” (Exodus 10:2).
• Exodus 12:26-28, speaks of explaining to your children when they ask about the symbols of the faith (the Passover in context).
• “And teach them [the statutes of the law] to your children and your grandchildren” (Deuteronomy 4:9).
• “Gather the people to Me, and I will let them hear My words, That they may learn to fear Me all the days they live on the earth, and that they may teach their children” (Deuteronomy 4:10).
• “You shall teach them [God's words] to your children, speaking of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up” (Deuteronomy 11:19).
• “He commanded our fathers, That they should make them known to their children; That the generation to come might know them, The children who would be born, That they may arise and declare them to their children” (Psalm 78:5-6).
• “The father shall make known Your truth to the children” (Isaiah 38:19).
• “Fathers . . . bring them up [children] in the training and admonition of the Lord” (Ephesians 6:4).
• 2 Timothy 1:5 speaks of the faith that was passed down to Timothy from his mother “Eunice” and his grandmother “Lois.” (See also 2 Timothy 3:15).

It is parents, and specifically fathers, who are given the primary responsibility to propagate the faith to their children. As Jonathan Edwards stated, “Family education and order are some of the chief means of grace. If these fail, all other means are likely to prove ineffectual.” Charles Haddon Spurgeon wrote:

The more of parental teaching the better; ministers, and Sabbath-school teachers were never meant to be substitutes for mothers’ tears and fathers’ prayers . . . The first lesson for a child should be concerning his mother’s God . . . Around the fire-side fathers should repeat not only the Bible records, but the deeds of the martyrs and reformers, and moreover the dealings of the Lord with themselves both in providence and grace . . . Reader, if you have children, mind you do not fail in this duty . . . As far on as our brief life allows us to arrange, we must industriously provide for the godly nurture of our youth. The narratives, commands, and doctrines of the word of God are not worn out; they are calculated to exert influence as long as our race shall exist. The one object aimed at is transmission; the testimony is only given that it may be passed on to succeeding generations.

The Shema

“Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one! You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach then diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up. You shall bind them as a sign on your hand, and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes. You shall write them on the doorposts of your house and on your gates” (Deuteronomy 6:4-9).

When God established Israel as His chosen covenant people, He established responsibility for parents to nurture their children in the faith. This is a clear charge given by the Lord God to moms and dads.

The passage cited above is known in Jewish tradition as the Shema (vv. 4-5). It is named after the first word in verse 4; “Hear” which is the Hebrew word “shema.” The word is a command, which denotes the urgency of what is about to be said. Also, in the Hebrew mindset, “to hear” is tantamount “to obey” because to hear God and not to obey Him is to really not hear Him at all. Everything about the context reveals the weightiness of the command.

It is interesting to note that it is Moses who is God’s instrument to convey this command to His people. When God first came to Moses and called him to speak as His messenger Moses said, “I am slow of speech and slow of tongue” (Exodus 4:10). God quickly reminded him who it was that was giving him the command, “who gave man his mouth” (Exodus 4:11). Many parents need to be reminded that it is God who gives this command for them to teach their children the faith. All of the excuses (”I’m not smart”, “I don’t speak well”, “I am shy”, “others are more qualified”) fade away in light of this reality. God reminds parents, “Who created you? Who gave you those children?” Moses, the one who could not speak, now proclaims the word of God, “Hear, O Israel: The Lord our God, the Lord is one!” Many parents who are not now speaking the Word of God to their children need to “hear” and obey.

With All Your Heart, Soul and Strength

Every parents’ supreme responsibility is to live out a passionate love for God in their lives. This is the platform that gives credibility to their instruction. Deuteronomy 6:5, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength”, is quoted by the Lord Jesus Christ three times in the New Testament (Matthew 22:37; Mark 12:30; Luke 10:27). Notice the intensity of this command with the repeated use of the word “all.”

“All your heart” is not simply a reference to emotional love. The word translated “heart” carries the idea of “inner man”, “mind”, “will”, “soul”, and “understanding.” The clear implication is that it means “all of oneself.” This is genuine love that permeates all of one’s being. John Gill, in his commentary on Deuteronomy, writes: “[All your heart] includes . . . knowledge of God, esteem of Him, delight in Him, faith and trust in Him, fear and worship of Him, and obedience to Him.” “With all your heart, with all your soul ["essential being"], and with all your strength” are different ways of saying essentially the same thing- “with all of you!” Deuteronomy 6:6 again points to the weightiness of these commands: “These words I command you today shall be in your heart [inner man, mind, soul, understanding].”

Teach Them Diligently

Deuteronomy 6:7 makes it clear that the commands of the Lord, that are to be in the heart of the parent (Deuteronomy 6:6), should be passed on to the children. “You shall teach them diligently to your children.” The New International Version translates the phrase, “Impress them on your children.” The word translated “teach” is a word that means, “to pierce.” It carries the idea of being “sharp.” Parents are to teach (pierce) their children diligently (carefully and repeatedly) with the truth of God. Eugene Merrill suggests the image of an “engraver” chiseling with painstaking care into a solid slab.

Some parents take the approach that they are not going to push Christianity onto their children. Their plan is to simply live Christianity out before their children and then let them decide for themselves. First of all, this position is in direct conflict with Deuteronomy 6:7 and many other portions of Scripture. Second, the culture is not neutral and passive. Christian parents must not be passive in the task of passing on the faith and calling their children to hope in God. It is a dangerous position to be in a war and be the only one not fighting. Carefully, Christian parents teach to pierce their childrens hearts with the truth of God.

When should Christian parents do this teaching?

Sitting

Deuteronomy 6:7b continues, “and shall talk of them when you sit in your house.” Sitting suggests inactivity. To put it in the common vernacular, this would be times when the family is simply “hanging out” together. The word translated “talk” in this verse is elsewhere translated speak, declare, command, promise, warn, and even sing. It calls for teaching about the commands, character, and nature of God to occur in those “sitting” times. Mealtime is a wonderful time for parents to talk to their children about the things of God. Parents should discuss the sermon and Sunday school lesson with their children every Sunday afternoon as they rest together as a family. These are wonderful times for transmitting the truths of the faith.

As a point of application and a plea for every Christian parent, set a daily (or at least routine) family worship time. This centers the family’s life around what is most important. Families probably will not talk about the things of God around the house if Bible study is not shown to be a priority by the leadership of the parents. Families should schedule a time to “sit” and talk about the things of God and respond to Him by worship. Parents, we must not dishonor God and forsake our children by failing to provide them vigorous instruction in the faith.

Walking

Deuteronomy 6:7b also admonishes parents to teach their children “when you walk by the way [the routine goings of life].” All of life should serve as teaching opportunities to talk to one’s children about the greatness of the great triune God of the Bible. Mountains can lead to conversations about the immensity of God. The stars in the night sky can cause parents to consider with their children the sovereignty of our creator God. A windy day can help parents direct their children’s thoughts to the Holy Spirit of God. Driving by a courthouse can lead to a discussion of justification. Parents must instill in their children a vision to see all of life from a God-centered perspective. Contemplate and speak of His perfections in all of life. Traveling, playing, and even yard work, can be transformed into wonderful teaching times for the parent who is leading a God-centered life.

In case the argument has not been sufficiently clear; Deuteronomy 6:7 concludes that this diligent teaching of one’s children should occur, “when you lie down, and when you rise up.”

Touching and Seeing, Coming and Going

“You shall bind them as a sign on your hand [all you touch] and they shall be as frontlets between your eyes [all you see]” (Deuteronomy 6:8). This verse has been taken literally by some Jewish people who actually wear small containers (phylacteries) containing the “Shema” on their hands and foreheads with straps of leather. While this verse is not meant to be taken in such a literal fashion, it nonetheless provides a graphic illustrative picture of what it does mean. The parent is to never be away from the truth of God. It is to be so much a part of the parent’s life that it should affect everything they touch and all they see. Deuteronomy 6:9 continues this line of thought: “You shall write them on the doorposts of your house [a reminder of your priority as you enter] and on your gates [a reminder of your priority as you return].” In all of life parents are charged with the responsibility to teach and pass on the faith to their children. When a child sees a parent hoping in God in this way, it provides a strong attraction to call him to hope in God.

Conclusion

This writer (pastor and father) is absolutely convinced that the starting point in obeying the command that has been set forth, to “diligently teach our children” the truth of the faith, is a set family worship time that centers around the Word of God and prayer. If this is established as a priority in the home, then perhaps all of family life can be transformed into a pursuit of God.

Family worship could include singing and catechizing as well as studying the Scripture and praying. Catechize is the anglicized form of the Greek word “katecheo” (see 1 Corinthians 14:19; Galatians 6:6; and Acts 18:25) which means, “to instruct.” The Webster’s New World Dictionary defines catechize as “to teach by the method of questions and answers.” This is a method of instruction that arises out of the biblical testimony itself and has stood the test of time throughout the history of the church as a profitable method of transmitting the faith to the next generation.

But far more important than the specific forms that are used in family worship is to actually commit ourselves to consistently doing family worship with an infectious passion. J.I. Packer said of Dr. Martyn Lloyd-Jones, “He gave more of a sense of God to the text than any other man.” That is exactly what parents must desire to do for their children in family worship- give a sense of God to every text that is taken up. There should be a sense of importance and weightiness to the consideration of the things of God that provide a sense of awe and wonder. The parents’ teaching of the children must flow out of a passion for God in their own lives. Passion cannot be faked if the goal is to be reached. “That [by God's grace] the generation to come might know them [the things of God]” and “that they may set their hope in God” (Psalm 78:6-7). As a believing parent, is that not what you want for your children?

What kind of message do you send to your children when you do not have family worship? What if you say you are too busy? Do you eat? Then you say that physical food is more important than spiritual food. Do you watch television? Then you declare that entertainment is a higher priority than worship. Do you do extra-circular activities? Then you are saying that recreation is more important than their spiritual well being. Do you sleep? Then you are telling them that comfort has a higher priority than godliness. These are dangerous messages to communicate to children, not only for their temporal well being but for the sake of their soul.

Heed the words of Dr. Tom Ascol:

The primary responsibility for teaching your children about God is yours, dear parent. It is not the Sunday school’s, the Church’s, nor the Pastor’s. God has entrusted this important work to you. If you do not invest your time and effort to teach your children about God, be assured someone else will. The television and the theater will teach them that God, if He exists at all, is an irrelevant, indulgent being that is little more than a nice kindly old man. If you do not teach your children truth and righteousness, be assured that there are a multitude of teachers in this world who would deceive them into thinking that “truth” and morality are relative ideas and can be shaped to fit anyone’s beliefs or standards.

There was a time when this matter of family worship was viewed with utmost seriousness by churches. The Directory for Family Worship of 1647 states:

The Assembly doth further require and appoint ministers and ruling elders to make diligent search and enquiry, in the congregations committed to their charge respectively, whether there be any among them any family or families which use to neglect this necessary duty; and if such family be found, the head of the family is to be first admonished privately to amend his fault; and, in case of his continuing therein, he is to be gravely and sadly reproved by the session; after which reproof, if he be found still to neglect Family-worship, let him be debarred from the Lord’s Supper, as being justly esteemed unworthy to communicate therein, till he amend.

To forsake family worship was such a serious offense that a father would be barred from the Lord’s Supper if he continued with such callous disregard for his family and his Lord. Oh, for a return to these kind of God-centered priorities today!

The Puritans viewed the family and the household as a “little church” (Perkins). Lewis Bayly taught, “what the preacher is in the pulpit, the same the Christian householder is in his house.” Parents, we must not shirk our God given responsibility to teach our children about God. In Matthew 22:21 in response to a question, Jesus says to his disciples, “Render therefore to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s and to God the things that are God’s.” We must render our children to God. The only other alternative is to passively sit back and by inaction render them to the world. Caesar’s image was stamped on the coin; God’s image is stamped on our children. May believing parents, by God’s grace, awake from their slumber, and for the sake of the next generation and the glory of God, call their children to hope in God.

http://www.youtube.com/seedsfamilyworship

To envision the family-equipping model in action, imagine a river with large stones jutting through the surface of the water. The river represents children’s growth and development. One riverbank signifies the church, and the other riverbank connotes the family. Both banks are necessary for the river to flow forward with focus and power. Unless both riverbanks support the child’s development, you are likely to end up with the destructive power of a deluge instead of the constructive possibilities of a river. The stones that guide and redirect the river currents represent milestones or rites of passage that mark the passing of key thresholds in the child’s life-points of development that the church and families celebrate together. (For more information on “milestones,” I highly recommend the website http://www.legacymilestones.com.)

In your church, which riverbank is stronger? How can parents and church partner together to bolster both banks? How about “milestones” or “rites of passage”? How can your congregation help parents to guide their children toward Christ-centered adulthood?

The School of Leadership and Church Ministry at Southern Seminary has introduced a family ministry model that centers on equipping parents to biblically train their children.

Designed for future associate pastors, the new approach, called the Family Equipping Ministry Model, seeks to address a weakness in the ministry of many local churches, said Randy Stinson, dean of the School of Leadership.

‘One of our main concerns has been that over the last 20 years the discipleship of children and teenagers has not been as effective as it should be,’ he said. ‘One of the reasons that is true is because parents have either not been trained, not been held accountable, or both, to being the primary disciple-makers of their children.

‘The Family Equipping Ministry Model espouses a partnership between the home and the church where the church oversees and equips the members of their church, in particular parents, to disciple their children.’

Southern now offers a master of arts degree in family ministry as well a master of divinity with that emphasis. Students may also apply for a doctor of philosophy or doctor of ministry degree in family ministry. A doctor of ministry degree in family ministry is presently in development.

The School of Leadership, under Stinson’s leadership, developed an informal coalition with Family Life Ministries, led by Dennis Rainey, and several local churches to create the new family ministry model.

The Family Equipping Ministry Model operates with the following definition of family ministry: the process of intentionally and persistently realigning a congregation’s proclamation and practices so that parents — and especially fathers — are acknowledged, trained and held accountable as the persons primarily responsible for the discipleship of their children.

Stinson said the local church tested, and theologically grounded model differs from the Family-Integrated Church Model (FIC) that has become popular in some circles.

‘The FIC essentially does away with youth pastors and age-graded ministry,’ he said. ‘The Family Equipping Ministry Model, while advocating a restructuring of the various ministries of the church, utilizes various trained pastoral positions and does not do away with age-graded ministry.’

Stinson said an emphasis on family ministry is particularly valuable in view of the breakdown of the family in much of the contemporary culture.

‘As we train the next generation of associate staff members, we believe more in depth training in family ministry is going to be required in a culture that is pressing for the fragmentation of the family,’ he said. ‘We want to train people to bring the family together.’

For more information on the various family ministry degrees offered at Southern Seminary, call (502) 897-4813 or email kdavidson@sbts.edu.

In late 2007 and early 2008, Dr. Randy Stinson and I worked together to develop a specific approach to family ministry. We studied dozens of approaches to family ministry, and we identified a handful of churches that were doing what we felt that God was leading us to promote. Then, we worked to develop these approaches into a full-fledged ministry model.

What we still lacked at that time was a name to describe what we were envisioning. It was not a program that someone could launch in one ministry; it was an ethos that should affect every ministry in the church. It retained age-focused ministers, but it would require these ministers to approach their calling in radically different ways. Most important, it required the congregation to recognize and to train parents to become the primary disciple-makers in their children’s lives. In such congregations, youth and children’s ministers did not function as “professional disciple-makers”; instead, they served as coaches and trainers, partnering with parents so that each household in the church became not only a conduit for getting children into church but also a unit of discipleship and evangelism.

But what to call this approach?

In January 2008, I ran across this clause in an article by Dennis Rainey in the book Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood (Crossway, 2002): “Churches need to become marriage- and family-equipping centers in their communities.” Family-equipping centers-that’s precisely what Dr. Stinson and I had been trying to describe in the model that we were developing! And so, we coined the term “Family-Equipping Ministry Model,” a term that has now taken off in churches throughout the world.

In the Family-Equipping Ministry Model, many semblances of age-organized ministry remain intact. In some cases, the family-equipping church might even retain a youth minister or a children’s minister. Yet church leaders plan every ministry to champion the place of parents as primary disciple-makers in their children’s lives, asking at every level of the church’s ministry, “How can we best equip families to become fundamental units of discipleship and evangelism?” At the same time, parents recognize the church as a community that’s been called to participate actively in the discipleship of all believers, including children. The church equips parents to disciple their children, and the parents recognize the church as an active partner in this process. Whereas family-based churches develop intergenerational events and activities within current structures, family-equipping ministry reworks the church’s entire structure to call parents to disciple their children at every level of the church’s ministry. Every aspect of the congregation’s life consciously “co-champions” the church’s ministry and parental responsibility.

Introduction

Dr. Timothy Paul Jones, the editor of this book, served for fourteen years in vocational ministry. He is now an Associate Professor of Leadership and Church Ministry at The Southern Baptist Theological Seminary in Louisville, Kentucky. His passion is to see the church come alongside families and teach them how to fulfill the commandment given in Deut. 6:7, “You shall teach them (God’s words) diligently to your children.”

He recognizes that there is a movement within evangelical churches to better minister to families. He has aided our understanding of this movement through the contributions of three pastors serving “in the trenches.” The format of the book was argument for, two responses against, and a final response in favor for each of the three models.

Paul Renfro, pastor of discipleship at Grace Family Baptist Church in Spring, Texas, writes concerning the Family-Integrated Model. Brandon Shields, minister to high school students at Highview Baptist Church in Kentucky and Indiana writes of their use of the Family-Based Model. Finally, Jay Strother, minister to emerging generations at Brentwood Baptist Church in Nashville, Tennessee, writes in favor of Family Equipping Ministry.

Family-Integrated Church, Paul Renfro

The family-integrated model jettisons all age-graded ministries. Those who adhere to this model view each family unit (single or married, with or without children) as one “block” that comprises the local church. That is, they view the church as a family of families. They view the church’s purpose as equipping the parents, primarily the fathers, to evangelize and disciple their children.

Some difficulties to this model include that a “family of families” cannot define the church which is defined as the “body of Christ” in Ephesians 4. There seems to be an inability to reach public school families as well as the non-traditional families that are prevalent today. Finally, there is still the challenge of equipping the children to engage the culture with their faith.

Family-Based, Brandon Shields

The are two values that are foundational to this philosophy, Brandon is careful to use this term over and above “model,” are flexibility and balance. Flexibility is essential because every church is different and therefore every church must adapt to their culture. Balance is also necessary because not every family in the local church is a “traditional” family. There are many challenges with blended families, single families, and other situations that must be handled with care when discipling the family. They do not see a need to radically reorganize and restructure the present ministry model. The key concept is the philosophical shift wherein the activities and programs are used to draw the families closer together.

Some problems with this particular model include the appearance that there is a greater concern for being culturally relevant rather than biblical. Some believe this model does not go far enough in addressing the disconnect between the church and the home. It is still too programmatic and does not really offer clear training to the parents to disciple their children.

Family-Equipping, Jay Strother

Pastor Jay explains in a diagram that the family-equipping model of ministry has a three-pronged approach. First, there are the catalysts. These are the parents who are primarily responsible to disciple their children and then the small group leaders in the church who lead Bible studies that reinforce the spiritual truths taught at home. Second, the content of what is being taught is intentional so that as the child grows, he meets certain “milestones” in his spiritual training at the church. Finally, the context of the model is found in worshipping Christ through small-group discipleship and serving in the church and community for the sake of the gospel.

Objections to the model include the parents simply do not have the time to disciple their children which then begs the question of how to confront parents who are not discipling their children. Also, the reasons offered for leaving other models were simply not convincing enough and therefore does not warrant a wholesale change of mindset. Finally, the question of strategy is too limited in scope and need not be the cause for the adoption of this ministry model.

Conclusion

This volume offers much to think about in the way of how the church should minister to the family. All three models are rooted in Scripture and all three models are driven by a love for the church and the family. Each pastor is passionate about seeing our world impacted by the church with more efficiency and more zeal. More importantly, each pastor writes and ministers with an urgency to change the landscape of the home through their respective views of family ministry.

The formatting of this book-with the point, counterpoint, and response method-offers the reader a balanced perspective. This book will be a great tool for church leaders who want to better address the family unit in their ministry. I highly recommend this book. Many Evangelical churches are shifting paradigms; this book will help you make sense of these new approaches.

This article is reprinted from http://www.ministry-to-children.com. To read more of Terry Delaney’s book reviews visit Going To Seminary or Diary of a Seminary Student.

For those of you who haven’t asked me that question (or, for those of you who lost the Starbucks napkin on which I wrote the list) here it is:

Recommended Books

Steve Wright with Chris Graves. ApParent Privilege. Raleigh, North Carolina: InQuest, 2008. $14.99. http://www.inquest.org/cgi/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=APP

First, purchase this book for the staff members in your church. Then, once they have taken the message to heart, lead every parent in your congregation through the book, using this Leader’s Guide http://www.inquest.org/cgi/commerce.cgi?preadd=action&key=APPCLASS. ApParent Privilege is the best tool available (outside of Holy Scripture and the Holy Spirit) when it comes to changing the ethos of your congregation. I also recommend using it as part of your new members’ curriculum, and perhaps even in classes for new parents and in premarital counseling.

Brian Haynes. Shift. Loveland, Colorado: Group, 2009. $14.99. http://www.amazon.com/dp/0764438980?tag=timothypauljo-20&camp=213381&creative=390973&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=0764438980&adid=0PQKMS39GXW070N3PFX4&

Again, take your staff through this book first; then, lead a study in which you introduce your entire congregation to these crucial concepts. Together, ApParent Privilege and Shift will help the parents in your church to view themselves as primary disciple-makers in their children’s lives. Specifically, Shift will equip parents and church leaders to establish “milestones,” rites of passage that help to move children and youth toward Christ-centered maturity.

Wayne Grudem and Dennis Rainey. Pastoral Leadership for Manhood and Womanhood. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2002. $15.99. http://www.amazon.com/dp/1581344198?tag=timothypauljo-20&camp=213381&creative=390973&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=1581344198&adid=0F73BQPRFB888P4TTQQC&

This text is a bit more academic; as such, work through it with your staff only-but do work through it with them! The value and purpose of this text is to make certain your church leaders are thinking theologically about family ministry rather than pragmatically. Your church’s staff especially needs to read the chapters on the pastor’s personal life.

Timothy Paul Jones, ed., Perspectives on Family Ministry. Nashville, Tennessee: B&H Academic, 2009. $19.99. http://www.amazon.com/dp/0805448454?tag=timothypauljo-20&camp=213381&creative=390973&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=0805448454&adid=02P61XQ3AXV712R005Q0&

Once you’ve worked to change the ethos of your church and developed theological foundations for what you’re doing, it’s time to consider what may need to happen to change the church’s organizational structure. This book outlines three models of family ministry and provides guidance for transitioning to family ministry.

Voddie Baucham. Family-Driven Faith. Wheaton, Illinois: Crossway, 2007. $19.99. http://www.amazon.com/dp/1581349297?tag=timothypauljo-20&camp=213381&creative=390973&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=1581349297&adid=1JP58Y6M87R2RTMDASZZ&

Voddie presses for family-integrated churches, while I believe that the Family-Equipping Ministry Model is better suited for the vast majority of churches. Nevertheless, Voddie presents a clear and convincing call for parents to engage actively in discipling their children. Even if you find yourself disagreeing with the family-integrated perspective, this book is well worth your time.

Steve Wright with Chris Graves. reThink. Raleigh, North Carolina: InQuest, 2007. $13.99. https://www.amazon.com/dp/1931548692?tag=timothypauljo-20&camp=213381&creative=390973&linkCode=as4&creativeASIN=1931548692&adid=0ZWPHWWB8W91XY5NNWQV&

In reThink, Steve Wright provides practical guidance for youth ministers who want to move toward the Family-Equipping Ministry Model. This is the book I wish I could have read before I became a youth minister.

Recommended Websites

http://www.legacymilestones.com
Kingsland Baptist Church has developed an outstanding array of resources to establish “milestones” in your congregation. Use this website alongside Brian Haynes’ book Shift.

http://www.homepointe.org/
Use these attractively-designed and professionally-produced resources from Lake Pointe Church to supplement your church’s family ministry emphases.

http://www.familyministrytoday.com
Well, obviously, I’m biased-but I do believe that this is where you’ll consistently find the best family ministry resources!

By Randy Stinson

We have grown accustomed to ministering to children and youth in ways that are just not as effective as they are supposed to be; as a result, there is now a genuine movement of pastors and youth ministers asking themselves: Is what we are doing really effective in a lasting, biblical sense? This question applies not only to youth ministries in particular, but also to entire discipleship processes for children and youth.

There seems to be broad agreement that we have a problem. The way we structure our churches to impact children and youth needs to be re-tooled. “Family ministry” is a hot topic. Pastors in churches of all sizes are experimenting with new ideas. In many ways, we are at the early stages of what could be a gargantuan movement. What I want to explore here are some undergirding theological foundations for family ministry and the implications of these foundations for the church’s day-to-day ministries.

THEOLOGICAL FOUNDATIONS FOR FAMILY MINISTRY

The church is supposed to act like a family. The family provides a paradigm for how the church is to operate. Family language is frequently used in the Bible. God is our father. One of the evidences that we are in God’s family is that He disciplines us (Heb. 12:7). Relationships within the household of faith are to be family-like. We’re to deal with older men as fathers, with older women as mothers (I Tim. 5:1), and with others as “brothers” and “sisters.” Why? Because we are family.

Three of my six children are adopted. However, all six are my true children. All their last names are “Stinson.” In God’s family, there are husbands whose wives have rejected the gospel and vice-versa. Christ said, “Unless you love me more than sister or mother, you cannot be my disciple.” Some have to endure painful rejection from their biological families because of their allegiance to Christ. Yet they—like all God’s children—find their true family in God’s family. They have been adopted into God’s family and they are no less God’s children than anyone else. Every time someone is adopted into God’s family, it is our job to love them. They may not look like us or talk like us. Yet the Gospel calls us to live as one family from every tribe and nation and kindred.

PRACTICAL IMPLICATIONS OF THE CHURCH AS OUR TRUE FAMILY

We must promote this vision in our churches. The problem is, many churches have developed a “silo mentality” in which the ministries are not related to each other, so inadvertently (and no doubt unintentionally) families are pulled apart. You’ve got women doing several mid-week studies, the men have their own activities, and the kids have their programs. We’re telling families to eat together, but if we participated in all the church activities we’d never actually be together. We must move toward seeing parents as the primary disciple-makers of their children. This should not be that radical. Yet it is, because we have segmented the church and professionalized discipleship so much that we view age-focused ministers as the persons responsible for discipling our children!

If the men are going to serve the widows in the church, why can’t they do that with their sons? If the men’s ministry is more aware of the youth ministry, then they’ll also be aware of the young men who don’t have dads. And there are lots of them. We must cultivate an ethos in our churches that embraces the fatherless boys and says “It’s okay. We’ve got you covered.” Similarly, single moms need to be intentionally included in the church as their true family. Mission trips, meals, week-by-week interactions—at every level, churches must model healthy nuclear families while at the same time providing a true family for those whose families are shattered. More than a programmatic shift, this is a shift in ethos. If you are taking your 11-year old boy to a baseball game, there probably is another 11-year old who has never been to a game in his whole life. Bring him along; show him what a Christ-centered relationship between a father and son looks like.

CONCLUSION

We cannot support an atmosphere that fragments the family in the church – an atmosphere that turns the hearts of children away from their fathers and vice versa. At the same time, we must not isolate the persons who have been pushed aside by their earthly “father and mother” and have been adopted into God’s family. Family-equipping ministry is about turning the hearts of parents toward their children while, at the same time, turning the hearts of all believers toward their truest family members, those who have been adopted into God’s family.

Several years ago, one youth ministry writer took this perspective on family ministry: “There is not now, nor is there likely ever to be, an identifiable programmatic animal known as ‘family ministry.’” Perhaps he’s right. Maybe family ministry will metamorphose so radically from place to place that it defies precise denotation. Yet, even if definitions of family ministry do remain a bit slippery, specific models and structures for family ministry are desperately needed. Church leaders need to know how to plan ministries that draw parents and children together instead of driving them apart (Mal. 4:6; Luke 1:17). Congregations need practical ministry models that guide parents to embrace principal responsibility for their children’s spiritual formation. We in the family-equipping movement are specifically seeking practices of family ministry that are driven and defined by a Scripture-saturated plan for equipping parents to embrace primary responsibility for their children’s discipleship.

Which brings us to the perspective on the meaning of “family ministry” that we’re promoting here—a definition that’s far from the final word, but one that’s rooted in research from many family-ministry practitioners and professors. Here’s what we mean by “family ministry”: The process of intentionally and persistently realigning a congregation’s proclamation and practices so that parents are acknowledged, trained, and held accountable as the persons primarily responsible for the discipleship of their children.</emSuch a perspective does not absolve the church of its responsibility to partner with persons from every age-grouping and social background in the task of discipleship—including divorced persons, never-married singles, children from single-parent households, and children of pre-Christian parents. What this definition recognizes is that God designed families to serve as the foremost framework for children’s spiritual formation. The family is a normative context for the discipleship of children. Every Christian parent is, therefore, responsible to engage personally in the formation of his or her child’s faith.

This definition also recognizes that “family ministry” requires far more than a slight tweaking of present paradigms of youth or children’s ministry. Several popular ministry models whose titles include the word “family” fall short because they treat family ministry as nothing more than a fresh form of youth ministry. While the intent of these models is commendable, family ministry is not merely one more method for doing youth ministry. Family ministry is also not another church program that a pastor can add to the present array of programs. Such a programmatic approach, while well-intended, is not what this we intend here when we talk about “family ministry.” Family ministry represents a fundamentally different way of doing church. Full-fledged family ministry entails more than the addition of one more purpose or program. It requires persistent and intentional reorientation of the entire church’s perspective on the processes of evangelism and discipleship.

Steve Wright is Assistant Pastor of Student Ministries at Providence Baptist Church, Raleigh, North Carolina. The Center for Christian Family Ministry highly recommends Steve’s books reThink and ApParent Privilegeas well as his discipleship and Sunday School curricula, published by InQuest Ministries. To learn more about Steve or to order his books, go to http://www.inquest.org/.

A stirring call to Christian families and churches to be a people who care for orphans, not just in word, but in deed.

The gospel of Jesus Christ-the good news that through Jesus we have been adopted as sons and daughters into God’s family-means that Christians ought to be at the forefront of the adoption of orphans in North America and around the world.

Russell D. Moore does not shy away from this call in Adopted for Life, a popular-level, practical manifesto for Christians to adopt children and to help equip other Christian families to do the same. He shows that adoption is not just about couples who want children-or who want more children. It is about an entire culture within Christianity, a culture that sees adoption as part of the Great Commission mandate and as a sign of the gospel itself.

Moore, who adopted two boys from Russia and has spoken widely on the subject, writes for couples considering adoption, families who have adopted children, and pastors who wish to encourage adoption.

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